well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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