I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
