Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
