I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
