oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
