Sry I called you an 8
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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