haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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