Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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