the day after is always just damage control
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
