how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
