I love black thongs
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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