"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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