so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
