it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
