i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
