you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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