you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
