I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
