M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
