Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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