I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
