After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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