dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
