I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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