using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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