have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
