My nipple is on Facebook.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
