her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So much Jack, so little girl.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
