after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
