I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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