So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
