i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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