It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
