I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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