He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
