Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
