I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
