What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
