Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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