Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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