my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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