I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
