Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
