My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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