I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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