Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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