Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just high enough for therapy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
