Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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