I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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