there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
