I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
