i was born a porn star she said
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
