if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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