if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize