Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
