just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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