Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!

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(269): View more from Michigan

Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"

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(312): View more from Illinois

I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.

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(315): View more from New York

My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.

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(831): View more from California

When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.

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