i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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