You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm too high and old for this...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
