So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
