ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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