goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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