I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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