I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just tell him i said nine months
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have post one night stand depression
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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