in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
