so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
