She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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