I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
