she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
