yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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