I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
