OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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