I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He kissed a someone with a penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
