I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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