I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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