I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she peed on how many people?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
