i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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