When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
