a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
