I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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