You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
