You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
