Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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